Friday, February 29, 2008
Epilepsy Has gotten the better of me
So last night I had an emotional breakdown. I have not come here and written in awhile but I truly do need it today. Last night Tyler had a seizure, all I could think of while he was convulsing was why him? Lord take this from him and put it on me. Have me be the one seizing right now just please don't make him suffer anymore. I just don't want to see that for my baby anymore. Anyone who has met Tyler knows how sweet and lovable he is so why him? Why does he have to suffer through this disease so early in his life? Another thing that bothers me is WHY?????? does he have this? He was also diagnosed with Chiari Malformation. When reading up on that it is sometimes linked to poor nutrition by the mother during pregnancy. Thats what I don't get. When I was pregnant with Tyler I did everything by the book. I took my prenatals everyday, I drank plenty of water, I made sure I ate right and very healthy, I got enough rest. So why??? If it was Jordan and I may be singing a different tune b/c with him I was very lax with my pregnancy I ate what I wanted, I didn't always take my prenatals, I was in early labor for WEEKS!!!, and was drugged up on pain medications and had so much medications pumping through me to stop his labor. So why Tyler???? I do often wonder if it was b/c he was born at 35 weeks. Were the doctors wrong? Were Mark and I wrong to trust them? Should we have continued to try and stop the labor? I just want to know why and that is probably an answer I will never get. I want to have the power to take this from him and just put it all on me but I cant. I just really needed to get that out there. Please say a prayer for Tyler to grow out of this quickly, and to not ever have to deal with any symptoms of Chiari Malformation. Thank You!!!
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4 comments:
OH dear Colleen...I can feel your pain, worry, and frustration. I am unable to imagine how horribly hard it is for you. YOu are such a wonderful mother, and your children are so blessed to have you. I do hope This eases up for Tyler, and I will say a prayer for you all.
hugs.
Lots of hugs, Colleen! What a difficult thing to go through as a Mama. I know the "Why my baby?" question must be so hard to cope with. You are an incredibly strong woman, and an AMAZING mother to your sweet boys! With you in Tyler's corner, he's going to be just fine.
I cannot fathom the fear and heartache and pain this has caused for you, Colleen. I know that NOT knowing these answers must be so difficult. I will be praying that you find consolation . . . and that maybe someday you will see a way that God is using this situation as a way you can reach out to others who are in the same circumstance.
Many hugs, friend!
Colleen {hugs} {hugs} and more {hugs} I can't imagine what you are going through. Like Laura said, I'm sure the "Why Tyler" question must be so hard to deal with when you don't get answers. You are an amazing mom to 2 very beautiful little boys and I'm sure there is a reason you and Tyler have been chosen for this tough journey.
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